I can not let what that service dog faker and what he said get to me, but it did over the weekend! I can not stand a disability faker who slapped a vest on a pet or ESA I. The Fk’ing first place!
Yeah, what this asshole said to me got to me really has me in twist. What he said to me made me realize I’ve been downplaying and ignoring the fact that I’ve been single and not even been with a man and even close in a intimate way with a man! That's because I have a lot of respect for myself and respect for my body. I never really felt lonely after my last boyfriend dumped me in February of 2019. For all your 411, I only had 3 boyfriends ever in my life!
Well, after moving to Louisville, I did laid eyes not long I did lay eyes on this man in question(late 2019-early 2000). I assume he is single, not married, and not gay, but he is definitely ruggaded(basically he keeps a unkept scruffy beard which looks quite attractive on him), and he’s just a respectful and very helpful man, so when I need his help the first time she. I put in a service request, his sweet respectful nature got me crushing on him and wanted make him mine. Sadly, I can never bring myself to tell him how I truly feel, and I kept this to myself all this time without issue until now, and I kept my mouth shut. Only if he knew………..
Well, I’ve have sent this over the past weekend and after what was said to me last week by that asshole fake service dog owner. I just don't know how such vulgar insults got to me and got me thinking about the current man I like…….
Sents this weekend, I had this strong painful feeling in my chest and my heart that feels heavy and aching with pain, and feeling the way I do now. This is hard to explain and I need figure it out for myself on my own I guess and part of me wish he was here to help me figure it out as well. Also, when I think about this current particular guy I like, it only gets whole lot worse……….
You see I have cardiovascular issues due to the fact that I inherited it from my mother and her side of the family(that family is riddle with heart by-passes and heart attacks). This does cause me to have a cardiovascular issues! But, I should be fine, and it's not going to kill me……..Well, I didn't think it would. Plus, I've been told not to drink Red Bull with my cardiovascular issues, and guess what…..I have been drinking Red Bull for years, and I’m not dead yet! Still, this weight on my chest with the pain when I get when thinking about this guy does cause me pain and this pain cause me to grab at and start rubbing my chest, and I start groaning in pain, and my heart beats in a strange way that causes me to feel like I got kicked by a horse right in the chest. To me, this is okay because it's about him and it's related to him, and because it's because of him why this is happening to me.
I know this guy knows I can be an utter jerk at times, and I've done some jerky shit that he called me out on(He is the only one that can do that and call me out on my shit….I never get pissed at him and I accept the fact I was in the total wrong and I corrected what he called me out on!) and I have felt bad and guilty when he has called me out on it and I have apologized for it and he also seen my house and yard a mess once(when he never seen my house and yard a mess) which is embarrassing on my own part that I have apologized for my embarrassing mess that he had seen🤦♀️
So you all be asking why I have not said anything to him about how I feel? Well, you see, I’m very shy about my feelings towards him for several reasons I will not say publicly, one is I do not want to accidentally give away his employment because I personally do not like who he works with and didn't want it getting back to his place of employment that I have thing for him, and especially if I have to conduct business at his workplace…..Well, I also have a tendency to always get into it with this one employee he works with who will make it in their power to just piss me off because this person thinks I'm basically an utter c🫢🫢t and I personally would like to see her get canned for her shity customer service. I most definitely never want this brod or anyone at his his work to ever know about my feeling towards him! Anyhow, I’m not the only one she is a snotty bitch too…I’ve seen her go after other customers! I like to think this employee has a special kind of hate for me! I once heard her in the background tell the person I was speaking to about a complaint on the phone when I was making a complaint, say my name, and tell the person I was talking to hang up on me and she make a not-so-nice remark about me. I was not happy, and I assumed she didn't think I heard it! I never did file a complaint on her and didn't bring attention to it because I don't think this employee would ever get addressed or in trouble for it, because she never has been before repermended or whatever and she is still there, for her nastiness towards customers. Plus, part of me does not want to cause any issues at the guy I like place of employment because he helps me with stuff and he’s also the only one to have privileged knowledge about me when asks current things.
I tend to be a private person, and I don't like sharing my feelings because you can't trust anyone these days, but this guy is privileged and my trust to know these things about me when no one else is allowed to have this privilege! When people do ask me about something that is private to me, I tell them, “It's not open for discussion!” But when he asks basically the same thing, I’m such a open book with him and explain it all to him. I’ve been honest with him when we speak, well, not about my feelings towards him, and I keep that hidden from him. I’ve made jokes that came off as a joke that he laughed at it. I was flirting with him, but made it seem like a joke. Basically flirting but I was downplaying it to make it look like a harmless joke and I was being a funny doofus about it but in reality I was flirting with him!
So yeah here I’m talking this on here but hey no knows who I’m talking about and the guy I like would never see this anyways and well I just need to talk about it without annoying someone with it when they probably don't not want hear about how some asshole faking a service dog was vulgar towards me on last week and it made me feel like shit he said bothered me over this past weekend and no one knows who this guy I like is I’m talking about and nor will they ever will figure out who he is anyways. So this post was to help me talk about it and relieve my emotional pressure deep within my aching heart and soul.
So time for me to watch an old episode of “In the Universe with Stephen Hawking” because I’m such a total nerd! Tomorrow if it dose not rain, I plan to work in my yard!
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